Getting Yourself Published

You know the adage that goes "it's not what you know, but who you know"? I think that may be more of a truism than an adage (although, frankly, I'm not sure I could tell you the difference between the two.)

I've written a book aimed at the Middle Grade audience (no, not Hobbits...that's Middle Earth). It's a good book, a historical adventure set aboard a sailing ship in 1727. You can find a chapter of it at my website,www.reinharthouse.com.

It turns out, however, that writing the book was the easy part. Getting the thing sold...ah, there's the rub!

The first step in selling your book is to go to the bookstore and see what else on the shelf is similar to yours. You do this for two reasons; to test your commercial viability and to write down the names of the publishers. Chances are you'll see a book remarkably similar to yours; a potential commercial viability problem. If you don't see a kissing cousin to your book on the shelves, jot down the names of the publishers of those that are similar to yours.

Logic would dictate that you then approach the publisher with your book. No so fast! Publishers will all tell you they don't accept submissions from regular folks. Can you imagine how many shlocky manuscripts would come flooding through their doors? Instead, the publishers will tell you they much, much prefer to look at your work when submitted by a literary agent.

Now your task is to find one of those. There are many good online resources. I found three that were extremely helpful:
www.AgentQuery.Com - They have a nifty search engine that lets you find agents by genre, by location, and a variety of other variables. Their site is easy to use, too.
www.QueryTracker.Com - You can set up a listing of the agents you've queried, and track your results. The site runs a little slow, but they have over 1,100 agents in their database.
www.LitMatch.Com - I've only used this site a couple of times, but their information is good. It took me a while to get the joke;you see, they match up literary elements, like writers to agents. The result is a Lit(erary) Match. Hot, huh?

Next, you've got to write your query letter. You'll find a lot of references for that, too. Google "how to query a literary agent". There's a lot of information on the web about what to do and what to avoid.

Finally, get to work. It's not easy to send out a stream of queries. Make sure you look at each one before you send it...I sent out a dozen with an enormous typo in the middle. Remember that each query you send is all the agent will know of you. A big typo in the middle of your query makes you look like an idiot.

You need to send out roughly a gajillion queries. You'll see a bazillion rejections. Don't worry. Every no will eventually lead to a yes. One of them will come back from an agent who is interested in your book. But you won't find that agent if you don't keep focused, and keep sending out queries.

Eventually, you'll find an agent that will work with you. She'll represent you to a publisher, and you'll be on your way. But the publisher looks at your work not because of the work itself, but because the agent is there to represent you.

See? It's not what you know, it's who!

Writing Evangelical Drama

In writing for my church, I’ve been asked to write many, many evangelical pieces. The purpose of Christian drama is to reach the lost, and what better way to reach them than with a theater piece that invites them in? But evangelical drama is a double-edged sword. Unless your piece is truly an outreach piece, it will most likely be performed in front of a congregation that’s already heard the Word. Here are some ways I’ve found that might help you in crafting your next evangelical drama.

TARGET YOUR AUDIENCE – For whom are you writing your piece? The congregation or an outreach program? What message are you trying to deliver? I’m often looking for ways to show the impact of the Christian life on the average person. Even though I’ll have a specific message to deliver, my underlying motive is to never stop trying to reach the lost, to evangelize.

BE REAL – The purpose of your piece will determine the setting. The more realistic your setting, the clearer your message will be. Your goal is help the audience focus on your message. Your challenge is to deliver your message in new and innovative ways. Always make certain that the circumstances of your piece are realistic enough that the audience can take it seriously. This doesn’t mean that you can’t put your characters in exotic locations…just make that they are realistic exotic locations. I’m working on a piece right now that takes place in the cockpit of C-47 during World War II. It’s taken a huge amount of research to get the setting, the language, and the intentions of the characters right, but I know the audience will expect a realistic piece.

Your character’s development must follow a realistic track, too. Most folks don’t receive the Good News and find themselves instantly saved. It takes a while, it takes thought, and it takes growth. Give your characters time to reveal these emotions realistically.

BE SUBTLE – Until I found the Lord, I wouldn’t go into a church to save my soul (literally). On the one hand, churches seemed scary and closed off to me. On the other, the people in the church seemed to belong to some sort of club. I can’t remember how many church people told me I had to believe in the Lord. It took my sister’s simple logic to get me to let down my barriers and open my heart. Remember that this is how the lost might view the church, too. Hitting them over the head with your evangelical message won’t work, because the lost tend to tune out overt evangelism. Your piece, too, will be more effective if you approach the subject indirectly, allowing the audience to complete the evangelistic picture.

Your congregation will reject an overt message, too. I know this because I’ve written many of them, and they have consistently flopped. They already know the evangelical message. Instead, I look for ways that my characters find different circumstances in which to witness to the lost. Even though a church drama may be preaching to the choir, there are still many messages you can give them that will help them in their mission field.

LOOK FOR GROWTH – An alcoholic won’t stop drinking until he’s hit bottom. A drug addict won’t seek help until he’s realized that he’s helpless. A lost soul doesn’t accept the Lord until he realizes his earthly existence is futile. The alcoholic and the drug addict begin to grow when they realize that they’ve hit their bottoms. Your protagonist, too, will be believable when he turns a corner and has an opportunity to grow.

At the same time, non-growth can be very powerful. There’s a sadness about a character that refuses to see the truth that everyone else can see. That sadness can be a powerful dramatic tool you can use to drive a point home. Although your character doesn’t see the point of the piece, his failure to see it can drive the point home poignantly for the audience.

FINALLY, AVOID FAIRY TALE ENDINGS – They simply don’t play out for the audience. The Christian message is one of hope. The audience won’t buy a piece in which the character accepts the Lord and suddenly finds her rent paid, her car fixed, and a new promotion at the office. But a guy who finds all the world against him, who hears the Word, and who realizes that he can brave the storm as long as he’s got the Lord’s word in his heart…THAT the audience will buy. That’s the piece that will deliver the Christian message with honest and realism. And, that’s the piece that will touch the heart of the lost soul sitting in your church.

Touching the hearts of the lost. Isn’t that what evangelism is about in the first place?

Writing for Multigenerational Audiences

If your church is like mine, it has two services; one traditional and one contemporary. At our church, the average age is comfortably above 50 in the traditional service, and comfortably below that in the contemporary. While this works great for the pastor, who can modify his message for each group, and for the choir, which can sing different songs, it makes producing dramas that must be effective for each group extremely difficult.

As a writer, I’ve often found that a piece that hits with the older audience will miss the younger set, and vice versa. Here are some ways that I’ve found to make each piece speak successfully to each group.

Begin with the Message

In Christian drama, each piece is designed to highlight a specific message. Let that message be your mission, your raison d’être. Compare each character against the message – does he fit? Is he telling the story? If not, chop him out or change him. In sketches, there’s no time for loose characters. That’s not a multigenerational thing. It’s just good writing.

The other rule of good writing is always the same, too: resolve a conflict. I recently judged a high school competition where each student wrote and performed his own piece. A stunning little actress played a piece called “The News” about a revolutionary war era bride whose husband had been called to war and was ultimately killed. It was well acted, but booooring. There was no problem to be resolved, which made it stunningly un-engaging. Make sure your characters have a problem to resolve. Their resolution should be your message.

I’ve found that the older generation relates to stories about honor and honesty, community spirit, and “doing the right thing.” The younger group responds better to stories about relationships, societal pressures, and personal responsibility. There is a very wide gap between the two.

Think of how the message affects each generation. Unless you are six years old, chances are pretty high that you are a member of one of them. Couch the message in terms that appeal to you. Then look at it through the eyes of the other generation. Will they get it?

Don’t be afraid to stretch the message to make it fit both groups. Say that the message is “love one another.” You could do a striking piece about a father/son situation, or a punker and an old lady stuck at a bus stop. There is love to be shown in each piece, and your message, although different in circumstance, is the same for each. Your job is to tell the story. You can bend it however you wish!

Mix Your Generations

The surest way to get the attention of each generation is to make sure each is represented in your piece. A piece about two elderly gentlemen may play with the older set, but could go right past the younger. An older gentleman sharing advice with a younger man, however, will more likely affect both groups.

There is a great source of humor in mixing the generations, too. Each group likes to laugh at themselves, and has to put up with the foibles of the other. That’s meaty stuff, there. Old people can never hear, and young people are self-absorbed. Play on those circumstances and you’ll have a sure fire hit!

I often find the message is most effective to both groups when the young and old discover it together. It is important to deliver the message subtly, of course. Nobody in real life says “I get it! We’ve got to love one another!” It just doesn’t happen like that. But when the punker and the old lady find a common truth, you’ll find that the moment will ring true for both audiences.

Don’t Forget the Rule of Threes

Comedy is comedy, whether it’s for octogenarians or teens. Don’t forget your basic rule of comedy – think in threes. Little joke, little joke, BIG joke. Set up, set up, Smack! Watch sitcoms and count the laughs – professional writers write in sets of three. Three is an ancient, mystic number. I’m pretty sure those ancient mystics wrote their skits in sets of three, too!

Find the Truth

My sister-in-law is a famous actress. I was speaking with one of her colleagues the other night, who told me my sister-in-law won’t consider a part ready to play until she’s drilled through to the very truth of the piece. Her performances are always breathtaking because she shows the deep truth inside her characters.

As a writer, your job is to bring truth to your characters. Actors should play their lines from their heart rather than from their minds. Your job is to put that heart into the characters in the first place. Your characters must be in realistic circumstances, and must react reasonably.

The conflict to be resolved, by which your message is delivered, needs to be realistic as well Your characters need to make discoveries along the way, and their reactions need to be realistic.

Once you’ve written your piece, have members of each group read it with you. Listen carefully to their reactions. Then, pester ‘em with questions about the message, about how your characters react, about whether the piece has meaning for them or not. Their reactions will guide you in writing accurately.

Finally, Write with Love

Regardless of the message, people really do love one another. That love can be expressed with friendship, loving gestures, anger, hurting, even hatred. But, deep down, people really do have a genuine regard for one another. It’s why we don’t run over each other.

Your piece needs to reflect that regard, because that is truly how we behave. Even in a piece where the characters hate one another, it is that lack of regard that makes for honesty, and for good drama.

Regardless of the generation, a piece will have meaning if it centers on a realistic conflict, features realistic characters, and, most of all, reflects the love people have for one another.

Writing Killer Comedy Sketches

I use the word "sketch" to describe the pieces I write, although people always ask me "did you come up with that skit?" Whatever you call it, it's easy to describe; a three to five minute dramatic piece involving two or more characters. I call them sketches because to me you're sketching in the characters and circumstances, as opposed to a full blown scene, in which you have time to fill in details.

WHAT'S COMEDY? Philosophers can argue for their entire lives over what makes us laugh, but you already know what's funny. We laugh at things that are unexpected, like a good pratfall. We laugh at embarrassing things, although only when they happen to other people. We laugh at insults, although not when they are aimed at us. Repetition is funny (I almost always include a catch phrase that gets repeated three or four times in a sketch, like "a wet cat."). And we laugh at real life situations, those with which we can identify, that have gone terribly awry. What makes you laugh? If it makes you laugh, chances are good it will make the audience laugh.

THE RULE OF THREES: Watch a classic sitcom, like The Mary Tyler Moore Show or Cheers or Friends or Frazier. Watch the timing. The jokes go boom, Boom, BOOM. Little joke, bigger joke, knee-slapper. Once you start thinking about threes, you'll find that your skit writes itself. In fact, a well written comedy sketch is a three-hit joke. The jokes don't have to follow one another directly. Sometimes the joke is in a situation, like a wet cat shaking itself on a guy's new shirt. He reacts, complains, shoves the cat in the bathroom and closes the door. His girlfriend comes in. They chat, say something funny about going out. She goes to freshen up. We hear the scream when she goes into the bathroom. The cat runs past and out the front door. A friend shows up and says something about the dish they're serving in the restaurant downstairs. "It looked like a wet cat!" Three, see? Si.


RELATE: What makes a comedy sketch funny is that the audience can relate to it. It's hard for us to relate to Zabnar the Cloud King, unless Zabnar keeps getting phone calls that interrupt his plans to take over the planet. We don't have any experience with being the Cloud King, and that won't ring true. But we've all been interrupted by somebody on the phone trying to sell us a newspaper. As long as the gets annoyed by the phone, Zabnar is a guy just like us, and he becomes believable.

PACING: In the movies, in a big drama, the actor says "a wet cat?", and the music goes Ba Ba BAAAAA, and the camera zooms in to catch the tear in his eye. In real life, people seldom take long, slow pauses in their conversations unless there are very deep issues at stake, or unless they aren't paying attention. In writing drama, you use those long deep pauses to help the audience grasp a circumstance and build suspense. In writing comedy, you gotta keep things moving. If the audience gets a chance to think, they'll stop laughing. If you let them think, you've lost them. Once we start laughing, we like to keep laughing. If your piece moves between hilarity and serious drama, the audience will get confused and won't trust it.

WRITE FOR YOUR ACTORS: Unless you're a professional writer composing for professional actors, you are most likely going to be working with amateurs. Amateurs most often don't know how to make a pratfall. Most of them aren't very good at showing emotions. Most of them don't have a clue about timing and pacing. So, you, as the writer, have to take care of that for them. If you write about real emotions, like frustration and disappointment, you give them a solid tool to help them perform with confidence. Everybody's been frustrated, disappointed, even annoyed by a wet cat. Since those emotions are daily occurrences for most of us, it's easy for amateur actors to hit those. Unless you have a skilled actor in the group, do not write spit takes or pratfalls...they will misfire and your piece will fail. Don't write long, drawn out speeches. They can be difficult for an untrained actor to memorize, and you're flirting with disaster.

BE CLEAR: Robert Frost said "people tell me they understand a poem, and then ask 'what were you getting at?'" A sketch is a tiny plot of time, so you have to be clear. Picture your central theme, and then work only from that. Good jokes should only be included if they support what you're trying to say. Characters should only be in the piece if they support the central idea. Quirky characters don't work, unless they are the meaning of the piece itself.

END IT: One of the first things you should think about when writing your piece is how it will end. Monty Python used weird graphics and startling video changes to cut away from their pieces because they most often didn't wrap up well. Don't forget Storytelling 101: Beginning, middle, end. Beginning, middle, end. One, two, three. Don't mess that up, because you're a good writer, and you want your actors to like your work.

See? That wasn't so hard, was it? Now, think about the point you're trying to make. Find what's funny in it. Figure out who's going to play in it. And figure out how you're going to end it. Be aware that it will run about a minute and a half per page, and, boom, you're a comedy writer!

Writer's Note: This pieces was published at eHow.com as How to Write a Killer Comedy Sketch and at AssociatedContent.Com as Writing Comedy Sketches that Kill.